Stacy's Mom
Okay.... this is kind of an open letter to a patron's mother. To protect her anonymity, we'll just call her "Stacy." And this... is for Stacy's mom, who kinda hasn't got it going on. At all. No way. Let's try and change that.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Dear Stacy's Mom:
Your daughter is a lesbian.
I know that's not news to you, because she came out to you recently: an act which took a lot of bravery, courage, strength, will, and self-control. All of which are positive things that you should congratulate her for. But the underlying qualities are just the tip of the iceberg. Stacy's a great girl. You've raised a beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, friendly daughter who is, in case you haven't seen her in a social setting, very mature and responsible for her age. A lot of girls in their 20s aren't nearly so well-behaved. As her mother, you're lucky.
Yes, you are lucky to be Stacy's mom. She has a great heart. People genuinely like her, and she repays that in kind. As her mother, you should be concerned that things have been a little rough for her lately. School is hard. She's having some financial trouble. She's thinking about leaving Nashville and coming back home to live with you. Which you're making all kinds of difficult for a stupid reason.
Stacy's a lesbian.
That lovely young woman that I'm so fond of is herself fond of other women. And that's just one small facet of her personality. An acquired fact about her like her favorite color or her preferred cologne. But moreover, it's a permanent part of her, like her eye color or her shoe size. You can't change it. All the tears, nagging and praying in the world will not make her straight.
So where is all this pressure on her to conform coming from? Why should Stacy sublimate her nature for some kind of Peyton Place idea of normalcy you've got in your head? Why would she want to turn away from what she is for the sake of "what people might say?" And more importantly, as her mother, why on earth would you want her to?
You love your daughter. I'm sure of that. Otherwise, she wouldn't even contemplate the idea of moving back home and pretending to be straight just to make you happy. That kind of sacrifice only comes from the kind of love that's being returned to the source: clearly, she loves you dearly. And I'm sure you love her.
And if you love her, you will want her happiness above all else.
So understand, madam, that by asking Stacy to return home and "play it straight," you are condemning her to a life where she has to pretend to be something she's not. You are asking her to deny her very nature, and espouse an affected, trumped-up, whitewashed version of someone else's life that is, for her, absolutely and utterly abnormal.
That's not something you do to someone you love.
If Stacy accedes to your wishes, she will come to hate the lie she lives. She will likely become very depressed. She will certainly introvert and start keeping to herself. She will exercise her sexuality in a furtive, sneaky way, regarding it ultimately with humiliation and shame. Most of all, you will make her resent your demands, and by extension, resent you.
Instead, why not focus on all the other aspects of your daughter's life. The fact that she's a great cook, or that she enjoys tennis, or that she has a passion for politics. Her being a lesbian is just one small part of her. So don't ever think of "my lesbian daughter." Just think "my daughter." And treasure her. We here at the Lipstick Lounge sure do.
I hope that you'll do what's right. Let her be herself, above all else, and give her the freedom to love whomever she chooses. Because she's going to whether you like it or not. So why not stay on her good side?
Peace,
Tom
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Dear Stacy's Mom:
Your daughter is a lesbian.
I know that's not news to you, because she came out to you recently: an act which took a lot of bravery, courage, strength, will, and self-control. All of which are positive things that you should congratulate her for. But the underlying qualities are just the tip of the iceberg. Stacy's a great girl. You've raised a beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, friendly daughter who is, in case you haven't seen her in a social setting, very mature and responsible for her age. A lot of girls in their 20s aren't nearly so well-behaved. As her mother, you're lucky.
Yes, you are lucky to be Stacy's mom. She has a great heart. People genuinely like her, and she repays that in kind. As her mother, you should be concerned that things have been a little rough for her lately. School is hard. She's having some financial trouble. She's thinking about leaving Nashville and coming back home to live with you. Which you're making all kinds of difficult for a stupid reason.
Stacy's a lesbian.
That lovely young woman that I'm so fond of is herself fond of other women. And that's just one small facet of her personality. An acquired fact about her like her favorite color or her preferred cologne. But moreover, it's a permanent part of her, like her eye color or her shoe size. You can't change it. All the tears, nagging and praying in the world will not make her straight.
So where is all this pressure on her to conform coming from? Why should Stacy sublimate her nature for some kind of Peyton Place idea of normalcy you've got in your head? Why would she want to turn away from what she is for the sake of "what people might say?" And more importantly, as her mother, why on earth would you want her to?
You love your daughter. I'm sure of that. Otherwise, she wouldn't even contemplate the idea of moving back home and pretending to be straight just to make you happy. That kind of sacrifice only comes from the kind of love that's being returned to the source: clearly, she loves you dearly. And I'm sure you love her.
And if you love her, you will want her happiness above all else.
So understand, madam, that by asking Stacy to return home and "play it straight," you are condemning her to a life where she has to pretend to be something she's not. You are asking her to deny her very nature, and espouse an affected, trumped-up, whitewashed version of someone else's life that is, for her, absolutely and utterly abnormal.
That's not something you do to someone you love.
If Stacy accedes to your wishes, she will come to hate the lie she lives. She will likely become very depressed. She will certainly introvert and start keeping to herself. She will exercise her sexuality in a furtive, sneaky way, regarding it ultimately with humiliation and shame. Most of all, you will make her resent your demands, and by extension, resent you.
Instead, why not focus on all the other aspects of your daughter's life. The fact that she's a great cook, or that she enjoys tennis, or that she has a passion for politics. Her being a lesbian is just one small part of her. So don't ever think of "my lesbian daughter." Just think "my daughter." And treasure her. We here at the Lipstick Lounge sure do.
I hope that you'll do what's right. Let her be herself, above all else, and give her the freedom to love whomever she chooses. Because she's going to whether you like it or not. So why not stay on her good side?
Peace,
Tom
posted by Thomas Horton at 5:17 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home