Monday Closure
We gave it our best try. We really did. Naughty Bingo played out quick. Trivia contest attempts on Monday nights sucked. We brought Debra back in for karaoke. Zippo. Tasha Valentine busted her ass and sang like the pro she is, with a band, with a free cover, and that didn't ignite the way we needed it to. So the Lip is closing on Mondays until further notice.
Reactions from our clientele have been mixed. So far, here are the best ones:
1. Mr. Richard Feder of Fort Lee, New Jersey writes: "Dear Roseanne Rosannadanna: The Lipstick Lounge is closed on Mondays. Now, I'm depressed, I gained weight, my face broke out, I'm nauseous, I'm constipated, my feet swelled, my gums are bleedin', my sinuses are clogged, I got heartburn, I'm cranky and I have gas. ... What should I do?" Mr. Feder, you sound like a real attractive guy! You belong in New Jersey!-- Oh wait. I'm not Roseanne Rosannadanna. Sorry. But that would have been fun, it was a monologue that ends with a sweat ball hanging off the end of Dr. Joyce Brothers' nose.
2. Ms. Lou York, Lou York, speaking on behalf of a metropolis of 9 million people inquired: "What am I supposed to do on Monday nights when I want to see Tasha?" Well, you could call her, or visit her on MySpace. She's one of our friends, check it out using the link to the right of this blog entry.
3. My daughter, Jenny, asked: "Daddy, what are you going to do? I'm worried about you. You're in the Lipstick every time the doors are open, and now I fear that you'll spend Monday nights wandering the streets of East Nashville like a derelict, looking in people's windows and making a nuisance of yourself." A justified concern, my dear, a justified concern. It would bring a whole new meaning to "Peeping Tom."
4. Laurel & Lamb, erstwhile hosts of Naughty Bingo and now just general funsters, exchanged: "Well, that's a shame. But it's Tuesday, so who gives a fig. Let's get another cocktail." Quite right. Might I suggest the Kiwi-Strawberry Martini? They'll be $5 on Wednesday.
5. Roland, our cook and barback, threw his arms over his head, and thrashed about as though he were having a convulsion. When asked why he was behaving so, he answered, "I always dance when I am in mourning." Of course he does. It should have been obvious.
6. Several of our die-hard karaoke whores were saddened when we dropped karaoke on Mondays, since low attendance makes for a short rotation, and they can sing more often. To them, we say, "Come back Wednesday."
7. My wife asked, "So does this mean you'll be staying at home on Mondays?" Hell, no, I'll probably be at DeVil's.
8. Tasha Valentine could not be reached for comment, 'coz she's out of town for like, two months. So even if we had stayed open, we'd have just had to sit here and look at each other and grimace, for we would not be enlightened by the song stylings of our favorite postmodern blues nightingale, nor would we have been able to bask in the radiance of her serene beauty.
9. Christa, who made the decision to pull the plug, said simply, "Pull the plug."
10. Everyone else, including our valued patrons the rest of the week, asked, puzzled: The Lipstick Lounge was open on Mondays? Who knew?" Evidently, not many.
Keep this from happening other nights of the week! Get your happy asses down here and make us the center of your social calendar, the focus of your fun, the nexus of your very existence! Drink up! Twelve-step programs are for quitters!
See you very soon at the Lip... just not on Mondays.
Peace,
Tom
Reactions from our clientele have been mixed. So far, here are the best ones:
1. Mr. Richard Feder of Fort Lee, New Jersey writes: "Dear Roseanne Rosannadanna: The Lipstick Lounge is closed on Mondays. Now, I'm depressed, I gained weight, my face broke out, I'm nauseous, I'm constipated, my feet swelled, my gums are bleedin', my sinuses are clogged, I got heartburn, I'm cranky and I have gas. ... What should I do?" Mr. Feder, you sound like a real attractive guy! You belong in New Jersey!-- Oh wait. I'm not Roseanne Rosannadanna. Sorry. But that would have been fun, it was a monologue that ends with a sweat ball hanging off the end of Dr. Joyce Brothers' nose.
2. Ms. Lou York, Lou York, speaking on behalf of a metropolis of 9 million people inquired: "What am I supposed to do on Monday nights when I want to see Tasha?" Well, you could call her, or visit her on MySpace. She's one of our friends, check it out using the link to the right of this blog entry.
3. My daughter, Jenny, asked: "Daddy, what are you going to do? I'm worried about you. You're in the Lipstick every time the doors are open, and now I fear that you'll spend Monday nights wandering the streets of East Nashville like a derelict, looking in people's windows and making a nuisance of yourself." A justified concern, my dear, a justified concern. It would bring a whole new meaning to "Peeping Tom."
4. Laurel & Lamb, erstwhile hosts of Naughty Bingo and now just general funsters, exchanged: "Well, that's a shame. But it's Tuesday, so who gives a fig. Let's get another cocktail." Quite right. Might I suggest the Kiwi-Strawberry Martini? They'll be $5 on Wednesday.
5. Roland, our cook and barback, threw his arms over his head, and thrashed about as though he were having a convulsion. When asked why he was behaving so, he answered, "I always dance when I am in mourning." Of course he does. It should have been obvious.
6. Several of our die-hard karaoke whores were saddened when we dropped karaoke on Mondays, since low attendance makes for a short rotation, and they can sing more often. To them, we say, "Come back Wednesday."
7. My wife asked, "So does this mean you'll be staying at home on Mondays?" Hell, no, I'll probably be at DeVil's.
8. Tasha Valentine could not be reached for comment, 'coz she's out of town for like, two months. So even if we had stayed open, we'd have just had to sit here and look at each other and grimace, for we would not be enlightened by the song stylings of our favorite postmodern blues nightingale, nor would we have been able to bask in the radiance of her serene beauty.
9. Christa, who made the decision to pull the plug, said simply, "Pull the plug."
10. Everyone else, including our valued patrons the rest of the week, asked, puzzled: The Lipstick Lounge was open on Mondays? Who knew?" Evidently, not many.
Keep this from happening other nights of the week! Get your happy asses down here and make us the center of your social calendar, the focus of your fun, the nexus of your very existence! Drink up! Twelve-step programs are for quitters!
See you very soon at the Lip... just not on Mondays.
Peace,
Tom
posted by Thomas Horton at 3:12 AM
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