Some of Our Best Friends Are Black
It's time for another little rant. Here's a conversation from the Lip last night that I found offputting and disturbing.
A patron who comes in from time to time-- a white, middle-class, unassuming gay male-- approached me, and we conversed for a minute. Then, it got ugly.
He: There sure are a lot of black people in here tonight.
Me: (quizzically arching an eyebrow) And?
He: Just are, is all I'm saying.
Me: There are also a lot of white people.
He: Yeah, but that's normal.
Me: Black people in the bar aren't abnormal.
He: I'm not saying they are, it's just weird to see so many.
Me: Weird? Have we reached our limit? How many is too many?
He: I didn't say "too many." I said "a lot." There are a lot of them.
Me: Did you ever stop and wonder whether blacks think, "Ooh, there sure are a lot of white people in there!"
He: They probably do.
Me: Think it makes them nervous? Like it's making you?
He: I just don't want it to get rowdy.
Me: Oh hell no, you didn't....
He: Don't get me wrong. Some of my best friends are black.
Me: Awwww.... lucky them!
He: No, seriously, you know how they get.
Me: God, and they're gay! It could be rowdy and gay! God forbid!
He: Stop, Tom. You know what I mean.
Me: Yeah I do. We're done. I'll see you later.
He: Tom, why are you so mad?
Me: In the words of En Vogue, "Free your mind, and the rest will follow." By the way, they were black.
And then I walked away 'coz I was angry. It really chaps my ass how anybody-- but particularly gay folks-- could possibly hold those antiquated stereotypes as a valid worldview. Anyone who's ever felt out of place, discriminated against, frightened, oppressed or unwelcome should know-- you don't pass it on. The only way to squash prejudice and ignorance is to do just that. Squash it. Maybe I was a little rude to the guy, but I hope it made him think.
That one line-- "Some of my best friends are black"-- just crawls up my hole, and not in that fun, spanky way. And it's not just black, you could substitute any adjective there-- gay, Asian, deaf, elderly, whatever-- and it would still be condescending and elitist. As though you should get a badge of honor for being white and associating with the colored folk. As though you've lowered yourself to reach out to the less fortunate Negroes.
Some of my best friends really are black. Some are foreign. Some are Muslims. Some are women. Some have kids. Some are skinny. Some are smokers. Some are transgendered. Some are Republicans. Some are pierced and tattooed. Some of them even like opera. And I love, value and prize them because they are different from me, not in spite of it.
So as you journey through this life, and you cross paths with folks who are different from you, embrace them for the richness they add to the landscape. Dialogue with them so you can understand where they're coming from and what makes them tick-- not as a demographic slice, but as individuals. Accept them and hold them dear for who they are, no matter what they are.
Love somebody today. Peace.
Tom
A patron who comes in from time to time-- a white, middle-class, unassuming gay male-- approached me, and we conversed for a minute. Then, it got ugly.
He: There sure are a lot of black people in here tonight.
Me: (quizzically arching an eyebrow) And?
He: Just are, is all I'm saying.
Me: There are also a lot of white people.
He: Yeah, but that's normal.
Me: Black people in the bar aren't abnormal.
He: I'm not saying they are, it's just weird to see so many.
Me: Weird? Have we reached our limit? How many is too many?
He: I didn't say "too many." I said "a lot." There are a lot of them.
Me: Did you ever stop and wonder whether blacks think, "Ooh, there sure are a lot of white people in there!"
He: They probably do.
Me: Think it makes them nervous? Like it's making you?
He: I just don't want it to get rowdy.
Me: Oh hell no, you didn't....
He: Don't get me wrong. Some of my best friends are black.
Me: Awwww.... lucky them!
He: No, seriously, you know how they get.
Me: God, and they're gay! It could be rowdy and gay! God forbid!
He: Stop, Tom. You know what I mean.
Me: Yeah I do. We're done. I'll see you later.
He: Tom, why are you so mad?
Me: In the words of En Vogue, "Free your mind, and the rest will follow." By the way, they were black.
And then I walked away 'coz I was angry. It really chaps my ass how anybody-- but particularly gay folks-- could possibly hold those antiquated stereotypes as a valid worldview. Anyone who's ever felt out of place, discriminated against, frightened, oppressed or unwelcome should know-- you don't pass it on. The only way to squash prejudice and ignorance is to do just that. Squash it. Maybe I was a little rude to the guy, but I hope it made him think.
That one line-- "Some of my best friends are black"-- just crawls up my hole, and not in that fun, spanky way. And it's not just black, you could substitute any adjective there-- gay, Asian, deaf, elderly, whatever-- and it would still be condescending and elitist. As though you should get a badge of honor for being white and associating with the colored folk. As though you've lowered yourself to reach out to the less fortunate Negroes.
Some of my best friends really are black. Some are foreign. Some are Muslims. Some are women. Some have kids. Some are skinny. Some are smokers. Some are transgendered. Some are Republicans. Some are pierced and tattooed. Some of them even like opera. And I love, value and prize them because they are different from me, not in spite of it.
So as you journey through this life, and you cross paths with folks who are different from you, embrace them for the richness they add to the landscape. Dialogue with them so you can understand where they're coming from and what makes them tick-- not as a demographic slice, but as individuals. Accept them and hold them dear for who they are, no matter what they are.
Love somebody today. Peace.
Tom
posted by Thomas Horton at 10:03 AM
1 Comments:
Same could be said on the other side as well. Take time to listen to those that are closed minded. Sometimes their conversations are a way for them to be honest about what they don't quite understand while reaching out to understand more. As a minority growing up in a very white town I can say that once folks got to know me they opened up and found similarities that were only possible because I didn't walk away.
Sometimes folks say stupid things but then I can't remember a day going by where I didn't. Honesty is a bit better than pretending, thats were folks can grow. Your patron's attitude sounds bad but as you probably suspect it's something in him that hurts. More than anger I feel sorry for the guy, his world seems smaller.
Love nets love and peace grants peace.
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