What's Up With All This Drama?
Okay, look. This is not drama. We don't engage in drama. What do you think this is, a lesbian bar?
No, seriously: Julie told Allison that Sarah was makin' out with some girl from Atlanta the other night at the Lip, which is so not true, 'coz I was the one was makin' out with Sarah the other night, and I haven't ever even been to Atlanta. I mean it was no big deal, 'coz we were both drunk and ever since that one time we hooked up and she was all like, freaked out 'coz she was thinking about her ex back in Murfreesboro, I decided I was over it. But anyways, there we were, you know, all hugged up in the back booth, 'coz it was Thursday and packed up in that trailer, and I don't really know what happened, but all of a sudden, Sarah's like rubbin' my leg and kissing me and what not, so I just decided to go with it.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I am still way way off in love with Melissa and everything, but she was in Knoxville with Joey and Cliff and all their friends from the Y, and every time she gets around those gay boys she winds up flashing people her tits, and that just pisses me right the hell off, so even though she didn't really do anything to me per se, I was mad at her and just decided to kinda let things happen with Sarah and see where it went. We're having some problems right now, is all I'm sayin', 'coz we've been together going on two months and since she moved in she's been acting really weird, and we're not so much having sex. I think she may be cheating on me, and that's why Shane is gonna give me a full report on whatever the hell she did while she was in Knoxville, which I am sure will include flashing some total stranger her tits.
Well that's where Julie came back from the bar, and she was like all "Let's go to the Cab," and I was like, "Hell no," 'coz I was having a good time, you know? Besides, I was not about goin' anywhere with Julie, 'coz bitch is crazy. So anyways, she gets all pissy 'coz her car's in the shop, and she and Caitlin are riding with Kenny and Michael, and they don't wanna go either, 'coz Michael used to date that one drag queen over there, you know, the one with the big nose. I mean, he's a pretty girl, but he does have a big nose.
Anyhow, so Julie like fakes this headache and says she wants to go home, and Caitlin is dancing with this kinda butch chick -- I think her name is Maria, or Marie, or Maureen or Mara or Margie or something like that, she's the one that used to date Christina back before Christina decided she was really more into guys and turned like bisexual, or something. Yeah right.
Anyways, right there on the stage while they're dancin', she starts like totally feeling Caitlin up, and Julie sees it and she just fuckin' goes ballistic and starts yelling at her and tellin' her she's gonna kick her ass. I told you, bitch is crazy. Caitlin's trying to calm her down and that's when Marie or whatever her name is, the big dyke, just throws her hands up in the air and walks away, and says she's over the drama, and I looked up at that moment, and Sarah says, "What the hell?" and she like jumps up and runs to the stage to see what's going on with Caitlin and Julie 'coz you know she's had the hots for Caitlin ever since they were in high school together but since they're best friends and everything she's afraid it will ruin their friendship. And it would, 'coz Sarah is jealous as hell, and Caitlin is too much of a flirt for somebody like that.
So Sarah like rushes up to the stage and she taps Maria or whatever her name is on the shoulder, and she like turns around, and Sarah's all like "Oh my God!" and she just starts huggin' her, 'coz it turns out to be her cousin from down in Savannah or wherever she's from, and she didn't even know she was a lesbian. Meanwhile Julie is crying and throwin' the drama and Caitlin is just holding her on the dance floor, and being really a whole lot nicer than I would have to that crazy bitch, especially if she had just gotten all up in my shit. I swear, everybody hates her. It's not just me. And I don't hate her, I just think the bitch is crazy.
So all this to say that Sarah was so not making out with some Atlanta chick, no matter what you might have heard from Julie. Allison is misinformed, but she doesn't really know what to believe since she's started working nights and doesn't get to go out anymore and things are still really tense between her and Caitlin since they broke up. But it doesn't matter anyway, 'coz she's totally in love with Cheri. See? No drama here, I swear....
*All names, as well as the story, are totally fictitious, 'coz it's just too close to reality.
No, seriously: Julie told Allison that Sarah was makin' out with some girl from Atlanta the other night at the Lip, which is so not true, 'coz I was the one was makin' out with Sarah the other night, and I haven't ever even been to Atlanta. I mean it was no big deal, 'coz we were both drunk and ever since that one time we hooked up and she was all like, freaked out 'coz she was thinking about her ex back in Murfreesboro, I decided I was over it. But anyways, there we were, you know, all hugged up in the back booth, 'coz it was Thursday and packed up in that trailer, and I don't really know what happened, but all of a sudden, Sarah's like rubbin' my leg and kissing me and what not, so I just decided to go with it.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I am still way way off in love with Melissa and everything, but she was in Knoxville with Joey and Cliff and all their friends from the Y, and every time she gets around those gay boys she winds up flashing people her tits, and that just pisses me right the hell off, so even though she didn't really do anything to me per se, I was mad at her and just decided to kinda let things happen with Sarah and see where it went. We're having some problems right now, is all I'm sayin', 'coz we've been together going on two months and since she moved in she's been acting really weird, and we're not so much having sex. I think she may be cheating on me, and that's why Shane is gonna give me a full report on whatever the hell she did while she was in Knoxville, which I am sure will include flashing some total stranger her tits.
Well that's where Julie came back from the bar, and she was like all "Let's go to the Cab," and I was like, "Hell no," 'coz I was having a good time, you know? Besides, I was not about goin' anywhere with Julie, 'coz bitch is crazy. So anyways, she gets all pissy 'coz her car's in the shop, and she and Caitlin are riding with Kenny and Michael, and they don't wanna go either, 'coz Michael used to date that one drag queen over there, you know, the one with the big nose. I mean, he's a pretty girl, but he does have a big nose.
Anyhow, so Julie like fakes this headache and says she wants to go home, and Caitlin is dancing with this kinda butch chick -- I think her name is Maria, or Marie, or Maureen or Mara or Margie or something like that, she's the one that used to date Christina back before Christina decided she was really more into guys and turned like bisexual, or something. Yeah right.
Anyways, right there on the stage while they're dancin', she starts like totally feeling Caitlin up, and Julie sees it and she just fuckin' goes ballistic and starts yelling at her and tellin' her she's gonna kick her ass. I told you, bitch is crazy. Caitlin's trying to calm her down and that's when Marie or whatever her name is, the big dyke, just throws her hands up in the air and walks away, and says she's over the drama, and I looked up at that moment, and Sarah says, "What the hell?" and she like jumps up and runs to the stage to see what's going on with Caitlin and Julie 'coz you know she's had the hots for Caitlin ever since they were in high school together but since they're best friends and everything she's afraid it will ruin their friendship. And it would, 'coz Sarah is jealous as hell, and Caitlin is too much of a flirt for somebody like that.
So Sarah like rushes up to the stage and she taps Maria or whatever her name is on the shoulder, and she like turns around, and Sarah's all like "Oh my God!" and she just starts huggin' her, 'coz it turns out to be her cousin from down in Savannah or wherever she's from, and she didn't even know she was a lesbian. Meanwhile Julie is crying and throwin' the drama and Caitlin is just holding her on the dance floor, and being really a whole lot nicer than I would have to that crazy bitch, especially if she had just gotten all up in my shit. I swear, everybody hates her. It's not just me. And I don't hate her, I just think the bitch is crazy.
So all this to say that Sarah was so not making out with some Atlanta chick, no matter what you might have heard from Julie. Allison is misinformed, but she doesn't really know what to believe since she's started working nights and doesn't get to go out anymore and things are still really tense between her and Caitlin since they broke up. But it doesn't matter anyway, 'coz she's totally in love with Cheri. See? No drama here, I swear....
*All names, as well as the story, are totally fictitious, 'coz it's just too close to reality.
posted by Thomas Horton at 9:11 AM
2 Comments:
I just moved from Chicago, and I haven't been to Lipstick yet, but it sounds like every bar in Chi-town. I don't know whether I should feel comforted by this, or find it sad and unfortunate.
Don't worry. This is largely a parody of isolated incidents. But it shows the difference between lesbians and gay men:
Where there are lesbians, there is drama.
Where there are gay men, there is THEATRE!!!!
Come on in... you won't be disappointed.
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