It's Not Nice To T's
We live in a world where everyone takes you at face value. You're immediately evaluated, classified, categorized and, yes, judged by your appearance. But what if your appearance belies who you really are? What good is being taken at face value if there's something wrong with your face?
You'd want to show the world who you really are, right? Wouldn't you want people to see beyond the obvious, delve deeper into your persona, get under your skin and know the true person inside? To help them, you might change your face-- enhance it, make it more demonstrative of your actual identity. It's only natural, after all. You want your expression-- the one on your face-- to express something about you. To actually be an expression of your inner soul.
Yet there is one segment of the population who is victimized time and time again by the schoolyard bully that still lives deep within us as adults. For reasons unexplained, this particular type of person is the butt of jokes, catcalls, whispered slander, speculation, dirty looks and other societal displays of ignorance. Social order around them just completely breaks down. The rules of polite society fly out the window. People who are otherwise kind and balanced feel the license exists for them to walk up to these people, sweet as you please, and tell them they are weird. Comical. Ugly.
I'm talking about T-girls.
T-girls, for those of you who aren't in the know, is the polite colloquial term for genetic males who identify as female, and as such, wear women's clothing and makeup, adopt female names and mannerisms and display their feminine identity in public. Terms like drag queen, cross-dresser, transvestite, transsexual, intersex, shemale and others are bandied about, but they all mean something different and are not always either appropriate or appreciated. "T-girl" is pretty much universally accepted in the community.
I've been guilty of discrimination against T-girls myself in the past. It's not something that I readily identify with. Although I am personally bisexual, attracted almost equally to females and males, I am all man, and I have never once felt a need to express my feminine side by taking on female affectation. I couldn't understand it. And like so many things we don't understand, it was easier for me to make fun of it than to accept, explore and embrace it. But I set out to do so when I spoke to a friend of mine who is a part-time T-girl. He was outside the lounge, on the sidewalk, looking like the handsome man that he is much of the time. But he was downcast, and I could see once I approached him that he had been crying.
I asked what was the matter, and he replied:
People can be so shitty. Last night, I was out in my girl clothes, with my hair and makeup done, and somebody came up to me and said, "Good lord, why do you dress up like that? You look ridiculous. You are such a good looking guy, but in that get-up you are so ugly." She called me ugly. You will not find any situation in society where people think it's okay to walk up to somebody and tell them they're ugly. But when you're a T-girl, folks think they have the right to say anything they want to you. They think you have no value, no dignity and they owe you no respect. It's insane that the laws of propriety and human kindness break down just because somebody wears a skirt and a pair of fabulous pumps.
His remarks struck me as so poignant and tragic. I've been derided and ridiculed for being fat, for liking dudes, for being a nerd. But nobody has ever called me ugly. Ever. And I'm nothing to look at. So who was I to declare what was normal? And indeed, who are you? Who are any of us to decide that we can poke fun at a person for being who they feel they are?
To that end, here's a wee primer on dealing properly with T-girls:
1. First thing you have to learn is that it isn't kinky. It isn't a fetish. This is how these folks identify themselves.
2. Gender identity is intensely personal, variable, and completely independent of sexual identity and orientation. T-girls can be attracted to women, men, or both. They can be attracted to one gender when showing feminine and the other when showing masculine traits.
3. The proper pronoun set to use is the one they are clearly trying to display. If a T-girl is in women's clothes, you should refer to her as "she." Under no circumstances are you to say "it" or "he/she" or "whoever they are."
4. Let them use the ladies' room, for God's sake.
So next time you see a 6'2", broad-shouldered, hipless woman with a square jaw, makeup that can't completely hide five-o'clock shadow, an Adam's apple or big hands with Lee press-on nails, remember these T-girls are only making the best they can with what they have. Remember that they are human beings who deserve respect and kindness. And they are beautiful, if for nothing more than the courage it takes to be who they are.
For more information on T-girls, visit the Tennessee Vals' website.
You'd want to show the world who you really are, right? Wouldn't you want people to see beyond the obvious, delve deeper into your persona, get under your skin and know the true person inside? To help them, you might change your face-- enhance it, make it more demonstrative of your actual identity. It's only natural, after all. You want your expression-- the one on your face-- to express something about you. To actually be an expression of your inner soul.
Yet there is one segment of the population who is victimized time and time again by the schoolyard bully that still lives deep within us as adults. For reasons unexplained, this particular type of person is the butt of jokes, catcalls, whispered slander, speculation, dirty looks and other societal displays of ignorance. Social order around them just completely breaks down. The rules of polite society fly out the window. People who are otherwise kind and balanced feel the license exists for them to walk up to these people, sweet as you please, and tell them they are weird. Comical. Ugly.
I'm talking about T-girls.
T-girls, for those of you who aren't in the know, is the polite colloquial term for genetic males who identify as female, and as such, wear women's clothing and makeup, adopt female names and mannerisms and display their feminine identity in public. Terms like drag queen, cross-dresser, transvestite, transsexual, intersex, shemale and others are bandied about, but they all mean something different and are not always either appropriate or appreciated. "T-girl" is pretty much universally accepted in the community.
I've been guilty of discrimination against T-girls myself in the past. It's not something that I readily identify with. Although I am personally bisexual, attracted almost equally to females and males, I am all man, and I have never once felt a need to express my feminine side by taking on female affectation. I couldn't understand it. And like so many things we don't understand, it was easier for me to make fun of it than to accept, explore and embrace it. But I set out to do so when I spoke to a friend of mine who is a part-time T-girl. He was outside the lounge, on the sidewalk, looking like the handsome man that he is much of the time. But he was downcast, and I could see once I approached him that he had been crying.
I asked what was the matter, and he replied:
People can be so shitty. Last night, I was out in my girl clothes, with my hair and makeup done, and somebody came up to me and said, "Good lord, why do you dress up like that? You look ridiculous. You are such a good looking guy, but in that get-up you are so ugly." She called me ugly. You will not find any situation in society where people think it's okay to walk up to somebody and tell them they're ugly. But when you're a T-girl, folks think they have the right to say anything they want to you. They think you have no value, no dignity and they owe you no respect. It's insane that the laws of propriety and human kindness break down just because somebody wears a skirt and a pair of fabulous pumps.
His remarks struck me as so poignant and tragic. I've been derided and ridiculed for being fat, for liking dudes, for being a nerd. But nobody has ever called me ugly. Ever. And I'm nothing to look at. So who was I to declare what was normal? And indeed, who are you? Who are any of us to decide that we can poke fun at a person for being who they feel they are?
To that end, here's a wee primer on dealing properly with T-girls:
1. First thing you have to learn is that it isn't kinky. It isn't a fetish. This is how these folks identify themselves.
2. Gender identity is intensely personal, variable, and completely independent of sexual identity and orientation. T-girls can be attracted to women, men, or both. They can be attracted to one gender when showing feminine and the other when showing masculine traits.
3. The proper pronoun set to use is the one they are clearly trying to display. If a T-girl is in women's clothes, you should refer to her as "she." Under no circumstances are you to say "it" or "he/she" or "whoever they are."
4. Let them use the ladies' room, for God's sake.
So next time you see a 6'2", broad-shouldered, hipless woman with a square jaw, makeup that can't completely hide five-o'clock shadow, an Adam's apple or big hands with Lee press-on nails, remember these T-girls are only making the best they can with what they have. Remember that they are human beings who deserve respect and kindness. And they are beautiful, if for nothing more than the courage it takes to be who they are.
For more information on T-girls, visit the Tennessee Vals' website.
posted by Thomas Horton at 10:10 AM
1 Comments:
This is so great Tom! I'm so glad I was able to be with you Friday night and meet your two T-girl friends. This was my first up-close experience and I'm the better for it, that's for certain. I would only hope that anyone who comes out (in whatever outfit they choose) is free to display their true personality, share their love and charisma, and receive the same back from others. It's when fear creeps in (you can see it in their eyes) that makes me kinda sad. Even still, I applaud the balls, er...courage for them to take a risk like that, and am so thrilled that I was able to reach out and hug them and tell them how beautiful they really are. Because, honestly, that's all I really want someone to do to me... Thanks Tom!
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