Friday, February 23, 2007

Something Fishy: A Horoscope For Everyone

Yes, kids, the sun has moved into Pisces, the sign of the fish, and that means all things aquatic are in order. You should give up red meat and eat seafood only. You should start a water aerobics program. You should drink 8 glasses of water a day. You should bathe more frequently, because.... damn!

No, really.

So with all this watery action going on, it's highly likely you're an emotional mess. If you suddenly start crying, have no explanation for why, and your heart is tugged at with great ease, there is one simple answer: you're a woman. And your inner Pisces is showing its ass.

Astrologically, Mars and Mercury come slamming into Aquarius on the 25th and 26th, so expect lots of those waterworks due to people saying mean things and pissing you off. Since Venus is careening through very hostile Aries as of the 21st, a lot of those tensions can come from the one you most love. One way to deal with those who anger you: a lit cigarette right to the eye. Remind me to stay on your good side.

This is also a very volatile time due to the conjunction of Pluto with the Galactic Center. And Pluto is pissed because they've said it's too dinky to be a planet anymore. So there's nothing but drama there either. It is a time for asking great questions that affect generations as a whole, such as, "Why are old people so damn crotchety?" Or "What is it about women in their thirties and Tupperware?"

Best shot at romance: March 9 in Ipswich, Massachusetts, behind the Clam Box. Get to thumbin'.
Lucky number: Seven, duh.
Best Actress: Penélope Cruz for Volver. But that's just my prediction.

Enjoy the month, fishes! We'll see you at the Lip!


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